The Adventures of beansbaxter…
August 17, 2007
I took this from my PNW Riders motorcycle site. One of the riders there posted this, and it did bring me quite a few laughs. I’ll just let the story and the humor speak for itself:
After thinking on this for a couple days, I’ve decided to pitch “The Adventures of beansbaxter” as a possible television movie/series. So, with tongue firmly in cheek, I give you the treatment of the pilot episode. I’ve taken some liberties with a few of the details, along with adding comments (like this) on possible product placement/sponsorship opportunities. Beans, if you decide to pitch this I get a writers credit and 15% of the merchandising gross. I can see little “beansbaxter” action figures on the shelves of Wal-Mart.
Opening scene, a deserted highway, a motorcycle rider speeding down the road raising a dust cloud. (Kawasaki is unlikely to sponsor the show, would you consider riding a Harley? Or maybe a Vespa? Scooters are cool right now.) The narrator speaks.
“A single man, fighting for the glory and safety of America, riding alone against the forces of evil. Searching for injustice, and pursuing the perfect stuffed french toast.
“This week, on the Adventures of beansbaxter, the intrepid rider leaves Sturgis in pursuit of his favorite IHOP waitress, last seen duct taped and stuffed into a car trunk headed for Colorado.”
Beans pursues on his mighty (Are you sure you won’t switch to a Harley? How about a Honda?) ZX-10. Slowly gaining ground on the fleeing kidnapper. Suddenly, the fiend turns onto a deserted back road and disappears over a hill. Unseen, he dumps several bags of sand on the road then takes off. As Beans crests the hill his bike begins to slide. Despite his heroic efforts, he has a monumental high side and is tossed 30 feet into the air (We don’t have much budget for special effects or stunt people. Any chance you would be willing to re-enact the crash?) Landing hard, in a cloud of dust, he hops to his feet only to stumble and fall on his badly damaged foot. Crawling back to his bike, dragging himself with his one undamaged hand, he finally reaches his saddle bags.
Pulling a roll of duct tape from his bag he quickly creates makeshift splints and stops the bleeding by creative use of duct tape. Reaching into a secret compartment on his bike he retrieves his top secret communicator. Unable to reach his headquarters due to jamming from his enemies, he is forced to rise from the dust, push his bike to the nearest help, all while hopping on one foot.
Coming upon a closed fuel station, Beans breaks in, finds items he needs to make repairs to his bike, then leaves money and a note of apology. He fixes the damaged window with duct tape then leaves in pursuit of the kidnapper. (Would Jafar consider playing the head of the enemy syndicate?)
Switch scene to a high tech headquarters, lots of computers and flashy lights. A red light slowly flashing on a screen. No one sees it.
Back to Beans, slowly rolling into a driveway somewhere in Colorado. A helpful person catches the slowly tipping bike as Beans passes out from the pain.
Next scene, Hospital room. Beans, in hand cast and with a brace on ankle/foot limps to closet and begins dressing in riding gear. Nurse and doctor attempt to restrain him. He forces his way out saying, “She’s in danger. I can’t leave her to him!” (Rumor has it that Britney Spears has her agent negotiating for an audition for the part of Beans’ girlfriend/kidnapping victim. We’re still working on the hair thing.)
Once more on his battle scarred and damaged motorcycle (No way on the Harley? OK, we’ll give up the money, but it’s coming out of your share of the profits.) Beans speeds through a blinding snow storm on his way north, after receiving a tip from a homeless man (played by Christopher Lee).
Arriving in Seattle, just as the sun sets, shining on a gleaming white Mt. Rainier (Hey, a guy can hope, can’t he? the clouds have to clear someday.) Beans stumbles into headquarters just as the exhaust system falls from his damaged bike.
End of ep. 1.
So, what do you think? I’m thinking Russel Crowe for the part of beansbaxter. Despite Britney’s request, I think we can do better for the girlfriend. Music is still up in the air, but I’m hoping to have something nailed down by next week. We might be able to get the Possum Mountain Woodchuck Jug Band to do the theme song and first few episodes.
We all know Beans aversion to anything but water, so I was thinking, maybe product placement with Perrier, or one of the new oxygenated waters? Maybe get some riding gear donated for product placement.
They say laughter is the best medicine, and Daniel, I hope you got at least a half smile out of this.
Dave T.
Source: http://www.pnwriders.com/forum/showthread.php?t=48995
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