Afraid of the Sun
February 11, 2007
It has been just ten weeks into the 2007 calendar and this year is already stacking up as one of the worst. My outlook on life seems to involve burying my emotions because I cannot cope with the things that bring me sadness. The same thing that reminds me of happy times and has with it the best feelings also brings me great sadness and I feel so out of place. Is the fear from wanting to be in that place or knowing your fooling yourself into thinking that can ever happen?
Life seems to get mentally crazier as you get older, perhaps because there is less absolute. Your perspective changes, your valuation of the time in our lives change, and the desire to have an enjoyment of life is something that exponentially becomes greater. At the end of the day, when you lay your head down, are you really happy? Do you look forward to what the next day brings? I am trying to find that happiness, and it still seems to elude me. The worst thing about waking up is the mind turns itself back on. I swear the only thing that keeps me glued together is my faith and my hope, of which both are very powerful. Those two things seem to fuel a lot of actions, especially when my past has shown I would have not gone through the torment I’m willing to endure at this present time.
My mind is filled with so many thoughts. There is so much that I want to say. There is so much that I want to happen. This sadness can really physically suffocate the lungs and is greater than any depressed state of mind.
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dude… your blog got sad…….
Can you feel the good vibes I’m sending you?